You don't understand.

One of the things I hate most is when my mom pretends that she understands my connection to music. She doesn't. She never will. Yea, you listen to music too, I get it; but its not the same. 

Today I'm missing the last concert held by a band called "My Favorite Highway" because the people I was supposed to go with backed out, not on purpose. So since I live in NYC, and the show was in Vienna, VA, I couldn't go by myself.

I tell my mom yesterday that I cant go, and her respond is that is wasn't a "big deal". Excuse me, but this is the best thing in my life, and I'm at home, pissed the fuck off.

This band means the world to me, and when I read that they were breaking up a cried for days. They saved me from depression and from ultimately collapsing on myself.

I didn't care if I would have a mental breakdown in front of hundreds of their fans, I needed to go.

It is currently 5:40pm. The show I had a ticket for is at 6:30pm.

What will happen at that time, I do not know. But I know its going to take forever to recover.

I'm permanently broken.

I'm a fucking wreck.

I really cant do anything.

My head hurts to a point of unbelief.

I’m unproductive.

All I want is silence and my bed and about a week of time.

Pissed at the world.

Can’t process anything.

And this is only the beginning.

At 6:30…. shits going down.

And I’m falling apart.

Him

I liked him in 9th grade.

He liked me 10-11th grade.

He was too afraid to ask me out.

Now.

He has a girlfriend.

I didn't know he could even talk to girls.

He didn't talk to me for a while.

But yesterday..

He comes up to me.

We talk, he high5s me,

Takes my hand,

And doesn't let go for a while.

I don't have feelings for him.

I'm not sure if he still has feelings for me.

But now with that other girl in the mix,

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to think.

It's a strange situation.

I Dont Know How To Feel

Should I be

• Sad
• Annoyed
• Disappointed
• Happy
• Content
• Shocked
• Angry

With everything thats happened lately, I honestly dont know.

Happy 22nd Birthday Stephen James Gomez

Stephen, in my eyes, is one of those amazing people out there. I love the fact you can talk to him about politics and society, and then follow that by getting wasted from Jack&Coke is for some reason perfect to me. I like people that I can have fun with, but I respect you, and appreciate you, more if I can have in intellectual conversation with you. Also love that he doesn't talk anyones bullshit. If you're being a dumb ass, he is not afraid to call you out on it. He's left sites like Tumblr and Formspring because after a while all the bull shit becomes too much, and its easier just to remove it. I love that Democratic atheist just like me. I love that he doesn't give a shit about what's "popular"and listens to the music that he likes. I love that deeply loves what he's doing everyday, even though he doesn't have a permanent smile on his face. I love that when he does smile it makes me melt. I love the relationship he has with his brother, John. I love bromance he has with Justin and Ryan.

Who would have ever thought, that who I see as the perfect man would be a 22 year old irish-mexican from Arizona?

I want to rant.

But right now, I'm honestly too tired. So what you get from me today is...... hey guess what I'm doing a little shopping tomorrow.. cool right? ... no... ok.
:)

You've Changed.

• You talk about shit you should know I don't care about (aka your creepy boyfriend).
• You like to make others feel lesser than you
• You don't care about us
• You wouldn't shut the fuck up about your college crap
• You are rude
• You are insensitive
• You feel like your better than us (you are not)
• You are no longer a real friend

We come for what we want. We stay for what we need.