Trifecta.

So there are 3 people. Lets call them A, B, and C (all of which are in my group of my partying friends)
These three people have been running through my mind all day.

A - A girl that I've been hooking up with. The thing is I don't want to hook up with her anymore bc I'm straight and I really don't like it anymore.

B - A guy that I find very attractive, but I don't think he thinks of me that way.

C - A guy that wants to hook up with me, but I'm not extremely attracted to. I'm kind of for being with him though.

So I'm spending next saturday with all these people, and I really don't know what to do.

What do you do if the guy of your dreams may have a girlfriend?

................


I honestly dont even know what to think.
I've realized I'm protective of people I like.
That trait hurts more than anything.


My brain is just a jumbled mess right now.
And I have this feeling that is extremely difficult to explain..
Anxious
Angry
Sad
Annoyed
Confused.

You don't understand.

One of the things I hate most is when my mom pretends that she understands my connection to music. She doesn't. She never will. Yea, you listen to music too, I get it; but its not the same. 

Today I'm missing the last concert held by a band called "My Favorite Highway" because the people I was supposed to go with backed out, not on purpose. So since I live in NYC, and the show was in Vienna, VA, I couldn't go by myself.

I tell my mom yesterday that I cant go, and her respond is that is wasn't a "big deal". Excuse me, but this is the best thing in my life, and I'm at home, pissed the fuck off.

This band means the world to me, and when I read that they were breaking up a cried for days. They saved me from depression and from ultimately collapsing on myself.

I didn't care if I would have a mental breakdown in front of hundreds of their fans, I needed to go.

It is currently 5:40pm. The show I had a ticket for is at 6:30pm.

What will happen at that time, I do not know. But I know its going to take forever to recover.

I'm permanently broken.

I'm a fucking wreck.

I really cant do anything.

My head hurts to a point of unbelief.

I’m unproductive.

All I want is silence and my bed and about a week of time.

Pissed at the world.

Can’t process anything.

And this is only the beginning.

At 6:30…. shits going down.

And I’m falling apart.

Him

I liked him in 9th grade.

He liked me 10-11th grade.

He was too afraid to ask me out.

Now.

He has a girlfriend.

I didn't know he could even talk to girls.

He didn't talk to me for a while.

But yesterday..

He comes up to me.

We talk, he high5s me,

Takes my hand,

And doesn't let go for a while.

I don't have feelings for him.

I'm not sure if he still has feelings for me.

But now with that other girl in the mix,

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to think.

It's a strange situation.

I Dont Know How To Feel

Should I be

• Sad
• Annoyed
• Disappointed
• Happy
• Content
• Shocked
• Angry

With everything thats happened lately, I honestly dont know.

Happy 22nd Birthday Stephen James Gomez

Stephen, in my eyes, is one of those amazing people out there. I love the fact you can talk to him about politics and society, and then follow that by getting wasted from Jack&Coke is for some reason perfect to me. I like people that I can have fun with, but I respect you, and appreciate you, more if I can have in intellectual conversation with you. Also love that he doesn't talk anyones bullshit. If you're being a dumb ass, he is not afraid to call you out on it. He's left sites like Tumblr and Formspring because after a while all the bull shit becomes too much, and its easier just to remove it. I love that Democratic atheist just like me. I love that he doesn't give a shit about what's "popular"and listens to the music that he likes. I love that deeply loves what he's doing everyday, even though he doesn't have a permanent smile on his face. I love that when he does smile it makes me melt. I love the relationship he has with his brother, John. I love bromance he has with Justin and Ryan.

Who would have ever thought, that who I see as the perfect man would be a 22 year old irish-mexican from Arizona?